Sunday, August 30, 2009

Help with a father-daughter relationship



Stacy asks about her relationship with her father. She says, "Recently my father has made some decisions that I am struggling with and they are so severe in their consequences that I am unsure how to continue in my relationship with him. I want to discuss these decisions and my feelings about them with him, but I struggle to find the words and my place in it. In the meantime, I feel anger, sadness, disconnection, betrayal, and shame for and about him. I am concerned that the gap between us is getting wider but unsure how to proceed. Your words and wisdom are gratefully welcome, as always."

Blessed child. He is in a time of great growing and learning and healing. The gap is not getting wider--it is just that the words are getting limited. For this one reacts as a child would, a young child back when a lot of trauma occurred. And so, he is very much not accepting. Words won't be accepted, or if he says the wrong thing he will go away completely. This is all because he is very, very tender of heart.

Now then, little one, step out of your life and see who you are See how bold you are and how strong. How perfectly radiant. You know you’ve held so many hands that were in a time of great turmoil, and you were strong and beautiful. Hold your own hand. Speak to this man as a man, a troubled being that has many difficulties in finding out who he is. In many ways, what you went through, is what he is going through.

Seek to help him. Speak words of love and concern. Draw him in to the love of who you be. I know it is difficult--child to father, father to child. An old promise; I cannot tell you what it is. And yes, you are right to know that it is not complete.

You are right to feel anxious that he is drifting away. He is not. He is filled with fear. He is walking and being someone that is not him. But he is wearing it well and fooling a great number. He has been able to do this a long time. A chameleon, he can put on whatever is necessary at the time to fill the bill so that he can escape through the back door. You know this about him and still you have persisted to love him for you know the spirit of this being.

Speak words of love, not judgment. For what you want with this being is a relationship of truth. Now remember, If his choice is to be and open up to you, this is his choice. You can only be responsible for yours. Be prepared, be strong. You might at first hear what a child would hear, scolding and negativity. But you are an amazingly, brilliant being, and if you want this relationship, then you must be the strong one at this time. If you choose just to be the radiant light you are, and understand that your true responsibility is only of your own actions, and your own choices, then be at peace with that my child, for you owe this one nothing.

The development of the promise lies within his hands. I don’t know if you knew that. But you are a healer. Deep within your being you want all beings to be at peace and happy. It weighs deep on you that there is anyone in your path that has difficulties. Those around you might have an answer for it, but you are a tender soul. Evolved beings never have a lifetime of ease. But then, these wouldn’t be all growing. My love to you.