Marriage, separation and children

Now I have a question from Christine. The question is about her daughter’s relationship with her husband. She wants to know why he is not returning home to her and the children. She wants to know if this is a marriage that can be saved or if they are better off apart.

This being, this husband, is very overwhelmed. Is very afraid of not being able to be what is needed. Feels unable to fulfill what is expected. This one struggles a great deal and has many deep questions within his body. He’s not sure who he is for himself, never mind for his dear wife. And she is very afraid and very needing and it is overwhelming when they are together. The unspoken things in the room create tension. The chaos is overwhelming. The chaos is a manifestation of that that is between the two of them—things unspoken, never directly. Both assuming things about the other and never speaking truth. Her heart is broken and so is his because neither can speak. As to coming back, there is nothing to come back to. This has never been a truth state. It was a continuum—something that carried on a long time and just resulted in…. Well, there was a promise, a most blessed promise. Children are wonderful and these are never a mistake or an accident, but a wonderful gift. And so let it be that this is what has brought the two of them together. And both can be magnificent parents, but until they can speak openly and honestly about who they are inside to one another, there is nothing to call a marriage.

Sometimes when people marry, the promise might simply be to have children then?
Oh, absolutely my dear. Sometimes that is one of the greatest purposes for two people to come together.
Yes, I don’t mean to belittle it; it’s a very special thing.
To facilitate the entrance of a being, to bring together nourishment and love, to help them to grow and be and learn and do what they need to do. That is a magnificent promise.
Bless these children. Tell them to be strong. Tell them to find joy in life. They are so sad.

It is always sad and difficult when your parents separate. It’s very hard on children.
And these children feel this. They are very much burdened by it. Tell the mother that it would be better for them to be clear about it. That daddy still loves them but that he just comes ones in a while. It’s very sad. For they are trying to make reasons why the two should be together.

So how can we best help children in that situation?
By never assuming that they don’t understand. They do. Speak it in simple and plain words. For they know exactly the vibrational state that Mommy is in. And she should say some days she is sad. And when she is happy she can say “Today I am happy” or “children you make me so happy.” But not to burden them with the responsibility to make her happy. Be very open and clear about how she is feeling because these children see her as a barometer. They watch every second that she be. And when she is in this chaos, they are feeling chaos—not grounded or safe. Tell this to her. And it is his responsibility to help the children feel safe as well. Not just the mother’s. It takes two, so tell them this.

Thank you so much.